The refining process....

It is well known that a piece of coal put under great preassure will yield a diamond. It usually takes a long time and a serious amount of pressure to get the diamond. Even after the diamond is harvested, it has to be cut and polished. Finally when all the cutting and polishing has finished, what is left is a magnificent gem that illuminates when light hits it and sparkles. So where am I in this process? I'm the coal....



The song "Under pressure" by David Bowie and Freddie Mercury is going through my mind as I write this post. I know that faith can be compared to a muscle, it has to be worked to get stronger and of course "faith without works is dead." Well, my faith muscle is in the mist of bodybuilding strength training..and my muscle is aching....



On 04-25 we were notified at work that our department functions are going to transition to other areas, meaning..I will be redeployed to another job unless I can secure a job on my own. The issue is that I am currently working at night and need to continue to work at night. If I am offered a comparable job (same hours/status) I have to take it or I will be considered as giving my resignation. Ugh...

My youngest son, Isaac was just diagnosed with PPD-NOS (pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified). It's a spectrum disorder like autism. He is currently getting services (speech and occupational therapy as well as a Child/Family worker coming out to work with him. Since he has been diagnosed with PPD-NOS, he qualifies for more hours of therapy. We are hoping he gets into the 15 hour a week program...meaning he will get therapy 3 hours a day. I am very grateful for living in a state where these types of services are offered. I know in the long run it will help Isaac. I have already seen some progression in him. He's not Autistic but PPD-NOS basically is when there is something going on with the child, but doesn't meet all the criteria for the Autism diagnosis.

So Isaac will need additional therapy, I am not sure if I can get a night position so I can be home to have the teachers come over or take him to a school (after he turns 3) for the services, I can't afford to pay daycare (the whole reason I started working nights was so we could avoid daycare costs). Sam and I were challenged by our State President and Bishop to re-commit to going to church, which we gladly accepted, and I have failed on going the past 2 Sundays.....

I had a wonderful blessing from the State President and Bishop, which helped me feel better but not without worry. What can I say, it's hard not to worry. Sam reminds me that in my blessing I was told not to worry and that He knows my heart. I was trying hard not to worry and get upset about everything (mostly job stuff). Then last night at work, all of the sudden as I pondered about the job stuff, I felt peace....actual peace. It was a great feeling! Basically I had been pondering and praying about the job stuff, and I was in a sense enlightened about how I have the larger of our 2 incomes and I carry the benefits. So it may be that I have to go back to working a day job. Sam's job would be the area where we could work to find a solution to our issue of not wanting (or affording) to pay daycare and one of us being able to take Isaac to his therapy sessions. It may be that I can get another job that is much higher paying that what I have now, so that way Sam can reduce his hours and his boss might be willing to be creative with Sam's work schedule. At that moment when I had those thoughts...I felt peace.

I am in no way perfect (far from it). I struggle with faith especially under pressure. Sometimes it takes all of me to be faithful. I know that the refining process will never stop, I only hope that as I strengthen my faith muscle, on that day when I stand to be judged, I hope that I will shine like a diamond.